Written by Skoob1999
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Saturday, 28 May 2011

image for Sir Alex Ferguson To Quit At Man Utd
United Fans Need A Diversion - "Hint" - Head A Bit South

It's the news that many opponents have been longing for, for years now, and sources are suggesting to Skoob Sports News that Sir Alex Ferguson is all set to call it a day.

Usually, Sir Alex plays managerial mind games par excellence, is tactically almost unbeatable, and always has the last word.

But sources report that Sir Alex is starting to feel his years, and that maybe it's about time to graciously bow out, and let the new kids on the block have their day in the sun.

The old fox himself, has been unsettled by the likes of Jose Mourinho, and Pep Guardiola, and is thinking about packing it all in.

It's thought that Sir Alex finds the prospect of another tension filled season, may be a bridge too far, and that it's time to relax, kick off his shoes, and concentrate on horse racing, and playing golf.

SSN spoke to local man, and Manchester United fan, Martin Shuttlecock, who told us in the immediate aftermath of United's 3-1 Champions League Final defeat to Barcelona:

"Fergie's a legend. He always will be. He couldn't possibly ever let us down. He's made us proud over two decades, proud of our team, proud of our heritage, proud to be Manchester United supporters. So what? We lost to Barcelona - they were by far the better team. We're not complaining. A manager is only as good as the players he works with. It's been brilliant so far - no complaints. Which is infinitely more than I could say about Sepp Twatter, the prick. Now can I graciously disappear and cry me eyes out in me beer?"

Shuttlecock's long suffering wife, Anne, commenting on her husband's Manchester United related insanity, told SSN:

"He takes it to heart sometimes. He's a Salford bloke. But he's not arrogant, and he's always prepared to give credit to opponents when United lose. There aren't any sour grapes from the soppy bastard - but he's hiding under the coffee table right now with a pint of Stella, crying his eyes out."

Sir Alex is said to be 'mulling things over.'

More amateur dramatics as we get them.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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