The High Priestess of the Manchester Branch of The Voodoo Church has said that Manchester United are going to win their championship match tonight. She knows this because she had a premonition whilst carrying out a secret voodoo ritual last week.
The ritual involves boiling chicken bones in a big cooking pot along with vegetables and Pearl Barley. And the High Priestess says that when she performs this ritual she can see the future in the mixture she calls soup.
And yesterday, while she was making this soup she saw the numbers 3 and 0. She also saw Wayne Rooney. She was so delighted with her predictions that she told everyone she knows, and she also preached about it in her weekly church service.
She says that all of these sightings point to one conclusion. And that conclusion is that Manchester United are going to win their championship match 3-0, and Wayne Rooney is going to score the winning goal.
The Manchester Priestess has been very successful with her premonitions in the past. She predicted the moon landing and the character assassination of Ryan Giggs.
But she didn't predict the bus crash that left her paralysed and in a wheel chair. But she says such is the serendipitous nature of soup predictions. You can't pick and choose what the universe is going to tell you.
By Katarina Frogpond.