Written by Jaggedone
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Friday, 27 May 2011

image for Lionel Messi retires, his mum told him to!
Lionel dressed in his fav dress seen walking away with his mum as Barcelona fans screamed "Puta Madre"

On the eve of maybe the greatest Champions League final ever a shock news report has been released from the FC Barcelona camp:

"Lionel Messi has thrown in the towel, he will not be selected for tomorrow's final and we respect his mum's decision!"

This shock report and a sighting of Lionel being cuddled by his mummy on the way to Heathrow in a stretch limo has shocked the footie world!

Man United players were seen jumping for joy into the swimming pool at their 6* accomodation; Rooney led the polonaise and everybody joined in, including Sir Alex himself.

Pep Guardiola, FC Barcelona trainer, with tears in his eyes, gave the following press statement:

"We cannot believe that Lionel has retired we are in a very deep shock, but we must respect his mummie's decision. She feared for Lionel's health whilst facing Paul Scholes kung fu kicks, Park Ji-Sungs flying tackles and Vidic snapping at his legs. After listening to his mums advice a tearful Lionel agreed; mum's are always right he said and after all I've already got a $100 million on my bank account?"

The bookies have just reversed the odds and instead of Barcelona being a 100-1 on, they are now refusing to take bets on United winning.

A massive sign was seen hanging out of a real Man United's supporters VW bus, it read "Muchas Gracias Senóra Messi, Puta Madre!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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