Written by Ellis Ian Fields
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Thursday, 26 May 2011

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The crowd and the weather have been two major disappointments of the opening test against Sri Lanka at Cardiff today.

First, although Cardiff hadn't seen rain for days, the heavens opened over Sophia Gardens this morning and play was delayed until 3.30pm when, having won the toss, Sri Lanka went in to bat

Then the England and Wales Cricket Board were very disappointed by the size of the crowd. Sections of the SWALEC Stadium were closed as the Welsh failed to fill the ground.

EIF News & Features' jovial sports editor, Thelonious Adidas, says: "Ha ha! Oh, it's bloody hilarious isn't it. The Welsh bleat on about having test matches for years. Now they're getting them regularly they don't show up!

"All that's there is the Barmy Army and that bloke with the trumpet, playing Welsh tunes! Oh, I'm sorry, I'm going to have a lie down - my sides hurt!"

A spokesman for cricket said: "It's very disappointing when a ground isn't full for the opening day of a test summer. We may well have to reconsider our position vis-a-vis Cardiff in future.

"Bloody Taffs!"

Another disappointing aspect of the day was that England had failed to winkle out either of the Sri Lankan openers by nearly 6pm.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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