Written by Skoob1999
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Wednesday, 25 May 2011

image for Shakira To Attend Champions League Final - Gerard Piquet Warns Chicharito - "Hands Off!"
That's Not Shakira!

It appears that Colombian sex symbol, bon vivant, and sometime crooner, Shakira, is to attend the showcase Champions League Final at Wembley on May 28th, in support of her current beau, Barcelona defender, Gerard Piquet.

So far, so good - nothing wrong with inviting your girlfriend along to watch you perform in the final of the truly greatest prize in football, but apparently, Piquet has certain reservations.

Gerard Piquet revealed that he had been disturbed to read unsubstantiated rumours that his diminutive vocal powerhouse girlfriend, Shakira, has been romantically linked with Manchester United's 'Little Pea' - Javier Hernandez, better known as 'Chicharito.'

According to some sources, Piquet has vowed that if he sees Shakira throwing wistful glances at the Manchester United striker during the course of the game, he'll "cut him of at the knees and bite his Mexican head off, red card or not."

Chicharito refused to respond to press interrogation as to whether or not there is some manner of 'Fatal Attraction' type thing going on between him and Shakira.

"As far as I know, she is the girlfriend of Gerard Piquet. It has nothing to do with me. I have never met the woman, and Gerard had left Manchester United before I ever arrived. I don't understand why people want to say these things. Anyway, she is way too old for me, although I hope Gerard does not take exception to me saying so, because he is a big bastard, who I would not like to tackle mano a mano. Unless I have a gun. Or something."

Nemanja Vidic has told Chicharito not to worry about Gerard Piquet.

"Do not worry, little pea. If he comes near you, I will dismember the Spanish git with my teeth and astonishing bite pressure," the Serbian said to the Mexican.

If you believe the hype....

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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