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Saturday, 5 November 2005

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Terrell Owens of the Philadelphia Eagles was suspended for insulting every human being on the planet.

The Philadelphia Eagles suspended wide receiver Terrell Owens for conduct detrimental to the team. This was due to comments and insults made by Owens to reporters regarding the Eagle's players, players' wives, players' mothers, player's girlfriends, player's familys, management (and their wives, husbands, boyfriends, girlfriends, mothers, and other family members), coaching staff (and their wives, girlfriends, mothers, and other family members), stadium employees (along with their wives, husbands, girlfriends, boyfriends, and familys), team office and locker room staffs (and thei wives, husbands, girlfriends, boyfriends, mothers, and other family members), team fans (and their wives, husbands, girlfriends, boyfriends, mothers, and other family members), all Philadelphia residents, current, past, and future (and their wives, husbands, boyfriends, girlfriends, mothers, and other family members), referees (and their wives, girlfriends, mothers, and other family members), NFL employees and management (and their wives, husbands, boyfriends, girlfriends, mothers, and other family members), everyone assosciated with the other 31 NFL teams (along with their wives, mothers, boyfriends, girlfriends, mothers, and other family members), television commentators (and thier wives, husbands, girlfriends, boyfriends, mothers, and other family members), all members of the press (along with their wives, husbands, girlfriends, boyfriends, mothers, and other family members), and everyone who has ever seen a football game (along with, of course, their wives, husbands, boyfriends, girlfriends, mothers, and other family members).

When ask if there was anyone in the United States that Terrel thought he might have missed in his insults and tirades, he responded by saying, "No, you're all #(*^(###^&**^*%@&$@)(^!"

Terrell was then asked why he had not insulted anyone outside of the United States. He responded by saying that, "All them foreigners and they wives, husbands, girlfriends, boyfriends, mothers, and other family members are #$%*^*&@& too!"

The American Civil Liberties Union (A.C.L.U.) plans to appeal the suspension, even though they were called a bunch of "white trash, liberal, pantie waving, pond scum sucking dirtbags who couldn't catch a cold from a quarterback and always stick they nose where it don't belong" by Owens.

Upon hearing the news, players from all NFL teams applauded Eagle's management and nominated head coach Andy Reid for the NFL Humanitarian award.

In other related news, the president of Sharpee pens revoked the endorsement deal signed with Owens and said that, "no over paid, egotistical jerk calls me a @(&^%^%@&$ on national television or insults my wife and kids and gets paid millions to sell our product."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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