Manchester United boss Sir Alex Ferguson today gave a terrific Spoof press conference ahead of Manchester United's Champions League final showdown with Barcelona.
When asked if Ryan Giggs would be playing in Saturday's showcase game, Fergie suspended his interrogator for seven days, denying him access to the club for that period.
Then Fergie went into shouty hairdryer mode, saying that he categorically would not reply to questions concerning veteran midfielder Ryan Giggs.
When asked by another reporter if it was true that Giggsy could perform at will, depending on his fitness, Fergie went ballistic and banned the reporter concerned for life.
A reporter from the Chicago Tribune in the USA was also pounced on when he raised questions about Ryan Giggs's reported back troubles.
"It's no Giggs wi' a back problem ye frickin numpty!" raged Sir Alex. "That's Rio. And he's all reet."
Another reporter was then banned for life for asking about Fergie's reaction to City finally winning a trophy after 35 years, and yet another was suspended for a week for asking Fergie if he thought Mario Balotelli was any good.
In an almost surreal move, one reporter was issued with a stern warning for not using tags in his copy, and another was reprimanded FOR BEING WAY TOO BLIDDY SHOUTY ON THE FORUM!
When asked a question regarding Lionel Messi, posed by a "FEMALE" reporter, Fergie banned that reporter for life for being a 'MAN IN DISGUISE!'
At which point, Sir Alex produced a hair dryer, and proceeded to give Wayne Rooney's head stubble the full treatment.
At which point, one outraged reporter opened a briefcase and started to hand out life-sized replicas of the sex organs of various nude celebrities.
Fergie laughed at that, offered the reporter a hefty bonus, and offered Chicharito a burrito.
ALL IN ALL IT WAS A VERY SHOUTY SPOOF AFFAIR!
Nothing new there then.
More nonsense AS WE GET IT!