Written by P.M. Wortham
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Monday, 23 May 2011

image for Fox Sports Snubs David Toms after Winning the PGA Colonial

With a searchable internet headline that read, "Long Wait Over, Toms Savors Win at Colon", Fox Sports and/or its news feed partners must have been sleeping, careless or just stupid when posting the headline, taking some of the sweetness of the win away from the win so richly deserved by David Toms.

Suffering from a five year tour win drought, Toms shot a 3 under 67 on Sunday to win the tournament, highlighted by a brilliant shot from the fairway on 11, draining his wedge into the green for an Eagle. Though Toms celebrated on Sunday, the internet headlines delivered on Monday were expected to anger Toms. "Quite the contrary", says Toms travel partner and publicity agent, Rudy "Red" Clingers. "David has always been an advocate of men's health and colon health, specifically. Fox made a mistake, but David may use the poorly worded headline to his benefit."

Advocating that all men over 50 routinely get scanned for signs of colorectal cancers, Toms is planning to use the Fox blunder to raise awareness about the need for regular colonoscopies. He may tee off at his next tournament by saying something like, "I have a winning colon!" says Clingers. Followed by, "And Fox Sports says so!" Clingers only speculated as to what Toms might do with the shaft of his club to emphasize the importance of the colonoscopy procedure. "Yeah, nothing good could come from that at all".

Fox Sports could not be reached for comment, but insiders say that is typical. "Sounds like they may be firing another intern", said Clingers. "You know. Taking one in the arse for a job not well done".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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