Written by Monkey Woods
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Friday, 27 May 2011

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Neil Lennon (right) arrives at Ibrox this morning

Former Glasgow Celtic manager Neil Lennon, the man who faced a barrage of death threats whilst at Parkhead before resigning from the post last weekend, has, this morning, been unveiled as the new manager of Glasgow Rangers.

Lennon, who recently received a letter bomb from a Protestant militant, had come under increasing pressure in the last few weeks to abandon his role. He resolutely continued his duties, and even had to endure a rather embarrassing confrontation with a fan on the pitch at Hearts.

Now though, the Irishman has declared himself "safe enough" to take the reins at Ibrox Park. He appeared before a news conference dressed in a bulletproof vest and field helmet, and said:

"I'm happy to be here, so I am. This club is a great club, so it is. And more death threats won't bother me, so they won't."

Celtic and Rangers are fierce rivals on the pitch, in the streets, in the churches, in the pubs, and in people's living rooms, and Mr Lennon will surely have his work cut out if he is to 'survive' until the end of next season.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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