Written by Lady Godiva
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Saturday, 21 May 2011

image for Pole dancing lessons offered half-price for EPL footballers. Offering to PAY Man. U. and Man City players to take lessons.
Poles awaiting polishing for Pole Dancing Studios

A dancing studio just outside Manchester, is offering half-price pole dancing lessons to all EPL players. They are even offering to pay Man. U. and Man. City players to take the lessons.

Teachers of pole dancing do believe that taking their classes will do much to improve the fitness and agility of ALL football players.

Having watched them play, owner of the 'We Do Poles', pole dancing studio situated in Wetherfield, Manchester, two streets south of Coronation Street, said, when interviewed,

"The players are too f*****g stiff. They all need to loosen up on the pitch and if they take our classes they won't be so susceptible to 'falling down'. We KNOW they need to 'toughen up' in more ways than one. This CAN be achieved if they attend the classes we are offering.

You watch any of OUR pole dancers playing football on Sundays in amateur leagues and you will see how tough and agile they all are.

Not one of them has ever 'gone to the ground' when 'touched' by a player on the opposing team.

Most EPL players are a little bit wimpish it would appear.

We are offering to 'toughen them up'....free for Man. U. and Man City players.

Think about it...they are used to bumping into goal posts, why not get them 'dancing' up and down them.

That could distract some of the players on the other team and, perhaps by doing so, they could score more goals.

It is just common sense when you think about it. It would also be extremely entertaining for the fans. Especially when no goals are being scored."

We will keep you updated on this topic.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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