Corinthian Casuals will represent England in the first qualifying round of next season's Europa League. The amateur outfit have benefited from their good behaviour on the pitch. They have never had a player booked or sent off. Indeed it has been over thirty years since they last actually tackled an opponent. They will now carry the flag for British amateur sport.
The Pink and Chocolate-as the club are affectionately known-have been pushed into the spotlight. Currently 20th in the Isthmian League Division 1 South, they are ready to launch their European campaign. The club was formed by accident in 1939 when two teams-Corinthians and Casuals-were due to meet in the Surrey Under 15 Schoolgirls' Cup Final. Unfortunately, they two amateur teams overindulged in the pre-match drinkies and forgot about the match. They were both disqualified. However, as they had enjoyed themselves so much they merged to form one club.
The club are hoping that former Brazillian ace Socrates can be coaxed out of retirement again, having played for the side previously in a friendly. Manager Sir Horace Rhodes Buxomley said "Absolutely. Get the Brazillian chap out again. We're looking forward to the tournament. Bally good fun, what."
Some have questioned whether it is right for a side who are not good enough to qualify on merit should be allowed to enter a major European tournament. BBC pundit Mark Lawrenson was said to be close to tears during Football Focus. The FA have defended Corinthian Casuals. In an official statement an old git in a blazer said "The FA totally refutes the allegation that this is just a junket for the club and FA officials and their wives and girlfriends. This is a serious football tournament. Pass the prawn sandwiches would you."
Lifelong Casuals fan Sir Harry Hotspur was asked what he thought about the news. The 108 year old supporter cried "Play up, play up and play the game." He was then kicked in the groin and robbed of his pension.