Written by Morse
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Monday, 16 May 2011

image for New Injury to Tiger Woods May End Career Leading to Early Retirement at Stud Farm!
Rumours Tiger is Hung Like a Horse May Soon Pay Off for Investors!

With ailing love machine Tiger Woods forced to withdraw from last weekend's TPC Sawgrass golf Championship with his 4th injury to a fragile fetlock, syndicate owners are now considering putting him out to stud earlier than predicted in order to recoup their investment.

Woods, a thoroughbred athlete, had been predicted to challenge long standing marks set by icons Arnold Palmer and Jack Nicholas and expected to play, and win, well into his 50's due to his physical fitness, stamina, mental toughness and love of the game.

The 36 year old may have seen one dream ended, and yet another one ready to begin after he had to 'pull out' due to yet another 'joint problem,' this one to his left fetlock, on which he depends to generate his awesome 'swing speed' and long drives.

This week a consortium of sponsors and investors in Tiger Woods, Inc, LLC, are meeting to determine his fate. The group has invested multi-millions into the Woods mystique, and are afraid they won't be able to recoup their huge investment.

With his physical ailments, and the baggage he has accumulated during the disastrous revelations concerning his proliferate sex life, and costly divorce, the formerly untarnished image of the golfing legend is severely threatened.

Insiders on Wall Street, with knowledge of the concerns of the major players involved, say don't be surprised to see an emerging IPO being shopped as early as this fall involving
the capitalization of THE TIGER's infamous sex drive.

"I think they're going to put him out to stud,' said former billionaire investment guru Bernie Madoff from his Federal Cell where he is serving 150 years to life, whichever comes first.

"From what I understand they can get $200k-$350k for each stud service he performs. According to medical reports, the man is good for 3-5 appointments a day, so you can see how the numbers can add up in a hurry!"

Convicted hedge fund honcho Raj Rajaratam agreed shortly before he was led off after being convicted of 'insider trading.

"Don't ask me how I know, "said Raj," call it a gut feeling and superb research, but that man is a virtual F*****g Machine and Money Maker....if I ever get out of this mess, count me in on the IPO....trust me...you'll make some real F*****g Money!"

Other's were somewhat skeptical. "I don't care what he does, actually, ' said a weekend hacker playing on a municipal course somewhere near the Florida Everglades, " he's still going to need a caddy.....anyone who screws that many broads a day is going to need someone to hand him his putter and wash his balls....!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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