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Sunday, 15 May 2011

image for Spoof Writer and NY Mets Fan Petitions MLB to Take Over Stumbling, Debt Ridden Franchise!
Met's Baseball: It's a Tribal Thing, Says Gail Farrelly!

Disgruntled Spoofer, and fanatic Met Fan Gail Farrelly says she's finally 'had enough' after it was announced the besieged club will now begin paying washed up player Bobby Bonilla $1.2M a year for 25 years as part of his deferred compensation plan. Bonilla has not put on a jock strap or scratched his nuts in a batter's box since sometime in the early 90's.

Ms.. Farrelly, a former star college pitcher with an 89 mph fast ball, a sinking slider, and an untouchable 'spitter', who also batted .405 during her career at NYU, has filed a class action suit on behalf of all disgruntled Mets fans during this years's disgraceful performance and announcement that team owner was financing the club with ill gotten gains from disgraced financier Bernard Madoff, a Yankee fan.

A federally appointed court administrator has sued Wilpon and the Mets in an attempt to collect "millions" in illegal 'profits' from the ponzi scheme, in addition to 'zillions' in punitive damages, forcing the owners to search frantically for a 'minority' partner to bail them out.

So far no Native-Americans, Afro-Americans, Italian-Americans, Irish-Americans or Greek-Americans, to name just a few US-Minorities have stepped up to the plate, although a consortium of Afro-Americans led by Charles Wrangel (sic), Al Sharpton, and Jesse Jackson Sr. and Jr. have said they'd be 'interested' if they were granted 'tax free, non profit status' in addition to a blanket grant of IRS immunity for 'past and ongoing minor accounting errors!'

Meanwhile, Bonilla isn't doing too bad in retirement, leading the majors in 'steals' and now banking $200k a year from MLB for serving as an "advisor" without portfolio, or even a desk, $500K a year for 'deferred' payments from the Baltimore Orioles until 2015, and now this $1.2M windfall from the Clueless Mets in a deal brokered in 2000.

Bonilla is 1/2 of the once feared B&B Boyz, Bonds and Bonilla,both former Pirates (sic) who scored with what is now being called ironically "Contracts on Steroids."

Farrelly says she was prompted to act after MLB stepped in to take over the day to running of the Los Angeles Dodgers, formerly the iconic Brooklyn Dodgers nick named 'dem Bums' after current owners Frank & Jamie McCourt, Jr. got involved in an acrimonious divorce
affecting cash flow and the day to day running of the club.

The McCourts, who allegedly claim they do not know or consort with infamous White House Party Crashers Tareq & Michaele Salahi, ran the club since 2004, but things went south when baseball prodigy wife Jamie was fired as CEO by her husband after a poor 2009 season.

To console herself and rebuild her self esteem, wife Jamie took off with her personal chauffeur, a former minor league prospect described as "poor glove, no speed, BIG HITTER', whisking him off to a secluded island retreat, allegedly at team expense.

Ms. McCourt is now demanding $988,845 (?) a month alimony plus half the couple's assets including the Dodgers in addition to conjugal rights involving several minor league 'relief' pitchers and prospects listed as 'Accomplished switch hitter with BIG STICK,"

"That's enough, already, 'Farrelly is quoted as saying in a recent New York Post article, "Casey Stengel would be turning over in his grave if he knew what Wilpon is doing to our team. It wasn't bad enough they traded Nolan Ryan and Tom Seaver, the stupid bastards, now they want to sell out probably to some Sheikh from Qatar...what next, BLOODY SOCCER ( ed note:'football' for you in the UK) in NY? All I can say about it is, that crooked FIFA group better keep their mitts off my Mets....BASTARDS! Big enough disgrace we got a President that throws out the first ball like a girl....Baseball will never be the same!"

According to White House league statistics charting "Fantasy ObamaBall', the president throws left, bats right, and 'dresses' somewhere in between.

ESPN lists him as 'big mouth, can't close, weak stick, not a team player but excels at stealing the spotlight."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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