Written by Jaggedone
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Sunday, 15 May 2011

image for Chicharito mugged by Two Extremist Hoodies!
He's never there when you need him, especially in Blackburn!

Blackburn, UK, 14.05.2011: After yesterday's not so epic final chapter in the Premier League title in Blackburn, 1-1, and after the penalty most fans fell asleep, it seems a serious incident happened as Chicharito left the ground.

Chicharito was on his way to the VIP parking area after United's celebrations and it was quite dark, cold and awesome, that's the way Blackburn generally is, right?

He was so over the moon about God allowing him to become an English champion he thought he'd drop to his knees in private (instead of in public) before jumping into his luxury limo.

Just as he flopped onto his knees two Hoodies speaking with strange Middle-Eastern accents, Pakistani's from Leeds actually, mugged him.

They nicked his newly acquired diamond studded Rolex (standard by rich footie profs) his golden sapphire studded crucifix (standard by very rich Catholics), kicked him in the balls and threatened him with the following threat:

"No more knee jobs (they were not IRA terrorists by the way) Mother F++++R or we'll come back for more, there's only one God and he is the Almighty One starting with an A?"

Chicharito sprinted to his limo, nearly getting another penalty, and sped non-stop all the way back to his mansion in sunny Mexico, sorry Manchester.

As for the Hoodied thugs they were last seen facing Mekka on an Iranian hand-woven carpet on their knees praying.

Chicharito has now had his first real taste of street life in the UK!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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