Written by Cornelius P Lynch
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Thursday, 12 May 2011

image for Bill Shankly Given New Liverpool Deal
"Get stuck in lads...!"

Bill Shankly has been given the manager's job at Liverpool on a more permanent basis. This follows a dramatic turnaround following a corpse replacing Roy Hodgson as manager.

Liverpool fans were quick to point out that Shankly's dead body still had more charisma than Hodgson and that the players did seem much happier with a coffin in the dugout.

You're Not Singing Any More

Joining Shankly will be his assistant Bob Paisley and magic sponge man Joe Fagan. All three will be dug up and laid to rest in the dugout at Anfield. "Obviously travelling to away matches will be difficult so we are considering cremation" said a guy with curly hair and a moustache.

You'll Never Walk Again

Liverpool are not the first football team to seek help from beyond the grave. The spirit of Matt Busby is said to be a guiding influence on Alex Ferguson and Brighton and Hove Albion regularly field a team of stiffs. However, Liverpool are the first side to knowingly appoint a dead manager. Graham Taylor at Aston Villa was just a mistake.

Sing When You're Winning

The curly haired guy was delighted. "Shankly is a legendary figure here at Liverpool. This is not just a cynical attempt by some Americans to ingratiate themselves with the supporters of the club. Whatever gave you that impression?" Liverpool are on course for next season's Europa League, which is bound to cause customs problems when they try getting the coffins onto the plane.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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