The QPR manager Colin Wanker has scoffed at rumours linking the sexy and fashionable West London football club with the window licking gypo Carlos Tevez.
"Tevez's £200,000 a week wage demands were not a problem"stated a club spokesperson "but we already have a mascot lined up and we don't need a troll fridge magnet"
Now that the Superhoops are back in the Premier League they have lofty ambitions and are looking to spend big.
Billionaire owner Bernie Ecclescake (80, 4'7") has recently divorced his Croatian supermodel wife (6ft1") and things are looking up.
After recovering from a medical condition of having short arms and long pockets,Bernie has promised 'big money'will be made available to the hitherto frugal manager.
Leaked information that club scouts have been tracking up and coming Cypriot playmaker Dimitri Koksiffilis seem to confirm this.
"Dimitri can play in the hole or in a supporting role" enthused Colin Wanker.
An insider has told us that as soon as terms are agreed the ex kebab shop pin up will be carving his way to Shepherds Bush.
A loan deal is expected to be announced as soon as the player passes all the medicals.
Koksiffilis' goat Ariadne is part of the package and is nailed on to be the new club mascot