Written by Cornelius P Lynch
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Wednesday, 11 May 2011

image for Premier League Star "Didn't Have Sex With Rooney Prostitute"
"You're Off!"

An unnamed Premier League star has had his identity hidden by a super injunction amidst claims that he did not have sex with the prostitute in the Wayne Rooney case.

The star, said to be a 'top name' with one of the UK's leading clubs-thus ruling out Fulham-was said to be concerned that the news would wreck his image and make him a laughing stock in the professional game.

Psychologist Colin Fondue said "The affect on this individual could be cataclysmic. His morale will suffer serious damage. He will become a pariah in the footballing world.

Cowards

Super injunctions have come under attack for being used to protect the rich and powerful when they have done wrong. Many find their behaviour to be cowardly. Footballers, actors, television stars and politicians have all used these gagging orders to protect their precious reputations. This latest case is no different. A Premier League footballer who doesn't shag prostitutes is surely bringing the game into disrepute. The FA are to call an emergency meeting at the end of this week.

Offside

Meanwhile Ms Anita Gobbler, president of the National Organisation Of Kinky Employees (England) said "We at NOOKEE at extremely saddened by the gagging order. Normally we charge extra for things like that." The footballer in question is said to be considering transferring abroad, but Italy is said to already be out of the question.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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