Written by Joe Leff
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Monday, 9 May 2011

After Chelsea's defeat by Manchester United, Carlo Ancelotti's left eyebrow is looking for another move upwards.

Already one of the best movers in the Premier League, Ancelotti's left eyebrow is looking even more unsettled, especially in post-match interviews when it has recently been seen trying to escape - probably from all the gibberish it has to endure.

Once risen, the left eyebrow always seems reluctant to come down again until after Ancelotti has finished uttering words of mumbledom.

Mathematicians have calculated that Ancelotti's left eyebrow has moved up and down so much this season that if converted to a single continuous movement, it would have travelled a distance equivalent to half-way round the world (which is probably the best place for it).

When questioned about his future plans, Ancelotti said he was looking "to move to a high rise apartment in Buckinghamshire (at least that's what it sounded like), "where I can live the high-brow life me and my eyebrows have always aspired to."

At this prospect, his excited left eyebrow leapt upwards with joy - and refused to come down. However, his right eyebrow wants to stay low-brow, so it looks as though Ancelotti could have a fight on his hands (or on his forehead, more likely).

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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