Written by Ellis Ian Fields
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Sunday, 8 May 2011

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As Manchester United close in their 19th league title after beating Chelsea today, top Liverpool supporters are dismissing the achievement as "nowt to write home about, dere, la!"

Utd now need one more point from two games to win the title, fulfilling manager Sir Alex Ferguson's promise to "knock Liverpool off their bloody perch!"

The scousers were the previous record-holders, on 18 league titles, but since the Premier League was launched in 1992, they have seen their record steadily whittled away by Utd.

But top Liverpool fan "Whacker" Tibbs, of Huyton, said: "C'm'ead la... what dey've done is nowt. We won all our titles when the league was competitive.

"We had to contend with yer Leeds, yer Derby, yer Forest, yer Villa, yer Arsenal, yer bloody Everton, yer City and loads more - even bloody United managed to win it once or twice before the Premier League got started.

"An' we managed to pick up a certain European Cup a few times on the way. Ha!

"Since the Premier League started there's only been a few clubs with the resources to win it - and the biggest has been Utd. So all you Mancs (and pretend Mancs) - it's a bit like Celtic and Rangers, innit?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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