Written by Skoob1999
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Thursday, 5 May 2011

image for How Man United Plan To Beat Barcelona
United Are Hard At Work Making Plans - As You Can See Here.

It's the game everybody's waiting for - the Champions League Final at Wembley Stadium on May 28th between Catalan giants Barcelona, and England's very own Manchester United.

Most neutrals, and most committed Manchester United fans accept that Barcelona are the better team, tending as they do, to dominate possession and strike with lightning speed from anywhere on the pitch, usually featuring the mercurial goalscoring talents of the diminutive Argentinian footballing genius with the dancing feet, Lionel Messi.

It's going to be a tough call for United to beat the Catalans, but Old Trafford observers have hinted that United have plans in place to undo their classy opponents.

It is thought that Sir Alex Ferguson will select eleven squad members for the task in hand, supplemented by five substitutes, one of whom will be a goalkeeper, and another of which will probably be Michael Owen.

Somewhat surprisingly, Ji Sung Park will probably man mark Lionel Messi throughout the game.

Leaked documents bearing the Old Trafford letterhead reveal that Manchester United will attempt to retain possession of the football by passing it around between themselves, and trying to get the ball off Barcelona when they have it, by either tackling them, or intercepting passes.

But the Manchester United masterstroke, as revealed to Skoob Sports News, involves Manchester United trying to put the ball in the Barcelona net - by kicking, or heading it - as many times as possible, and trying to prevent Barcelona from kicking or heading the football into the Manchester United net.

Insiders believe that if the team can achieve these objectives, they are in with an excellent chance of winning the coveted trophy.

Speaking from The Dog And Partridge pub, a stone's throw away from United's spiritual Old Trafford home, local United fan, Jarbo The Killer commented:

"Yeah. That might just work. Sounds like a top plan to me mate."

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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