Just when you thought things were simmering down after the untimely demise of Osama Bin Laden, the successful elevation of Pippa Middleton to the 'Hot List', and a set of new dentures for Sky News presenter Skoob, another controversy has risen like the proverbial Phoenix
In an off hand comment a spokesman for the Football Association seemed to be taking the piss at the manliness of performers in the National Basketball Association claiming
their shorts were so big it looked like they were carrying' a big load in their drawers; "Sure looks like some shite in there innit?" The comment captured on an Iphone immediately went virile and pushed pictures of Osama Bin Laden scuba diving off the front page of The Sun.
Commissioner David Stern of the NBA wasted no time in responding to the perceived slur.
"It all comes down to a matter of decency, " said Stern, trying to maintain decorum and not start a flame war in the sports tabloids, "our boys are carrying around a big package,if you get my drift....not to put too fine a point onnit. Them little kid shorts they wear in the Premier League just wouldn't get it done...we'd have to go X rated and pay per view, not that that wouldn't be a big money maker, you understand!"
Kobe Bryant, star of the LA Lakers added his two cents in a candid interview. "The league tried to go to those little boy shorts back in the day...I talked to Wilt Chamberlain and he told me of the recurring pain after retirement after so many seasons in the League where he had to fold his Johnson in thirds just so he didn't expose himself...and that was just in the day when they only had radio!"
Kobe added that not only he but all of his team mates still had to tape their joint to their inner thigh due to all the new technology of TV with overhead cams, helmet cams, telephoto lenses....'and going through the airport is a nightmare,"he added," all them TSA bitches keep wanting to check our junk!"
"Size really doesn't matter, " said an independent consultant hired for arbitration after the controversy continued to heat up, " they're both rough sports...if you don't believe me look at the number of divorces, paternity suits, on both sides of the Pond...it can get pretty bloody when it comes to community property,unfortunately the US still doesn't recognize Super Injunctions, but with the EU making inroads with the current administration it'll only be a matter of time!"
Vanessa Perrancel also chimed in after her recent flap involving UK star John Terry. Vanessa was having a 'shag' with Terry who just happened to be team mates with Wayne Bridge, father of Vanessa's child.
"I think both size shorts are fine," she said dreamily, "John could get away with a thong, sweet little thing, but a woman always wonders what's inside those big baggy pants them other big blokes wear...it's all the same to me....it's not the size of their thingy that matters, it's the size of their financial portfolio that get's me wet!"
So there you have it sports fans...all to do about nothing. Footballers in the UK are not gay, just smaller and built closer to the ground.
Rugby players are probably tougher and a bit more crazy than either of them.
Cricket and Badminton, well that could be another story.
And this just in: The state of South Carolina just announced their annual "Shag" contest.
The intricate state dance is highly popular in the golfing capitol of the world, and organizers say they welcome all comers during "Shag Week" starting May 8th to celebrate "Mother's Day," and running until May 14th. Refresher classes for beginning and advanced 'Shaggers' are available at the Chamber of Commerce for a modest fee.
Long pants are required to participate.