Written by mikewadestr
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Monday, 2 May 2011

Fresh off of changing the venue of his defamation suit against the City Paper from New York City to Washington DC, Redskin's Owner Daniel Snyder filed another defamation suit against pretzel maker Snyder's of Hanover located in Lorton, Virginia. Mr. Snyder, is seeking 100 million dollars in compensation and the termination of the business, Snyder's of Hanover.

In a court hearing in Virginia Circuit Court in front of Judge Gavel, the lawyers representing Snyder's of Hanover requested that the case be dismissed on grounds that Mr. Snyder's lawsuit has no merit whatsoever.

When Judge Gavel asked Daniel Snyder's lawyer, Mr. Meisterfibber, on what grounds Daniel Snyder was suing, Meisterfibber replied:

"Apparently, Mr. Snyder believes that there is a secret code in the company name Snyder's of Hanover. He hired a group of text decryption experts who discovered that the name Snyder's of Hanover is a secret text code that, when decrypted means: Daniel Snyder has a hangover".

"As you can clearly see, my client has no hangover whatsoever. As a matter of fact Daniel Snyder never gets inebriated due to the fact that he is a very light drinker. It is quite obvious that Snyder's of Hanover is sub-consciously defaming Mr. Snyder by calling him a drunk".

"That is quite an absurd argument", answered a perplexed Judge Gavel. "Is that the only reason for the suit".

"Oh, no, there is more", responded Meisterfibber. "Apparently, the text decryption experts discovered other secret messages encoded in the company's website that referred to Mr. Snyder as a "pretzel head".

"This is really bizarre", said Judge Gavel. "I'm going to need some time to think this whole thing over. We will have to re-convene in one week".

It was then that an enraged Daniel Snyder jumped out of his seat and charged the bench of Judge Gavel, screaming: "That's it! You're cut from my team! Get out of my courtroom now!"

Before Snyder could reach the bench he was tackled by a court security guard who quickly cuffed him and led him away.

On the good side of being tackled and arrested and being charged with contempt of court, Daniel Snyder was so impressed with the hard tackle of the court security guard that he signed him to a seven year 100 million dollar contract with a guaranteed 40 million dollar signing bonus.

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