Written by mikewadestr
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Topics: NFL

Friday, 29 April 2011

After having some time to get over the smarting of losing a court battle to lockout all of the NFL players, the NFL owners have instead decided to lock out all of the NFL fans instead.

"We are going to make sure that no fans show up for any NFL games this season", said Dallas Cowboys' owner Jerry Jones. "We are going to put extra big locks on all of the stadium entrances. I cannot wait to see the players' faces when there is no one to root for them in the stands during the games".

"Let's see Ocho Cinco do his silly little dances and dumb antics now!" snickered Cincinnati Bengals' owner Mike Brown. "There is going to be nobody there to see him. I'm going to be rolling on the floor and laughing when that happens".

"Not only are we going to be locking out the fans", stated Washington Redskins' owner Daniel Snyder. "But we are going to lock out all of the network camera men and announcers so that absolutely no one will get to see the game or hear it on the radio. I can just imagine all the Whos in WhoVille getting up on NFL opening Sunday and turning on their TV sets to their favorite NFL game and getting nothing but that weird colory circley thing on their TV screens along with that annoying beeping noise".

"We are not just going to lock the fans out of the stadiums", giggled Detroit Lions owner, William Clay Ford Senior. "But we are going to lock them out of their homes too. You see, we have a list of all the season ticket holders which have all of their addresses on their season ticket applications. We are going to go to all of their houses when they are not there and change the locks so that they cannot get in".

When it was brought up to William Clay Ford Senior's attention that the Detroit lions, who have been voted the worst franchise in NFL history, have no season ticket holders at all and who count as fans those that have died and have never been removed from their seats, he responded quite dejectedly:

"Well if we did have any season ticket holding fans, we would do that. I mean, it was Daniel Snyder's idea, anyway, not mine".

In other related news, the NFL owners have hired the now deceased New York Yankees owner, George Steinbrenner, to consult them on how to be total pricks.

As if they can be worse pricks than they are now.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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