According to sources, beleaguered Real Madrid boss Jose Mourinho has locked himself away in a vault at Madrid's Museo Del Prado, armed with a laptop computer and a Vuiton suitcase full of vitriol.
The 'Special One' is apparently enjoying a psychotic 'episode' spouting hatred and loathing all over the internet.
Messages supposedly coming from Jose Mourinho suggest that he hates everybody in the world, everybody who ever lived, the unborn children of nutrition conscious mothers, and even Judy Garland, Shirley Temple, and the late and much lamented Princess Diana.
"I hate them all. I hate all of you. Especially referee Wolfgang Stark, the bastard, for red carding me in front of my adoring sycophantic legions of Bernabeu fans," Mourinho wrote on Fuckedbook. "I hate Lionel Messi, Pep Guardiola, the entire fucking Catalan region, Manchester bastard United, Jesus, Erin Brockowich, Mark Lowton, John the Baptist, Bobby Moore, the Queen of England, Colonel Juan, Abel Rodriguez, that fucking pirate captain, Monkey Woods, and especially Princess Diana. Sure, she was a fine looking filly, but I hate her. I hate everybody and everything. Now go away please and leave me alone."
Real Madrid skipper, Sergio Ramos was reported to be 'inconsolable' and awash in self pity after being a dozy twonk and dropping the Copa Del Rey under a bus.
"It's all my fault," Ramos lamented.
All of which is entirely subjective and depends on whether people believe everything they read on the internet.
Chelsea supremo, Roman Abramovich, the Russian oligarch is still a bit of a grumpy twat.
The late Princess Of Hearts was unavailable for comment, for obvious reasons.