Written by Ellie James
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Thursday, 28 April 2011

image for The Dallas Cowboys Prepare to Ask for the World
"I don't mind playing for America's team," states The World.

Dallas - Jerry Jones, owner of the Dallas Cowboys, has announced that he's excited about the draft this year. He sees it as a unique opportunity to position himself and the Cowboys in an exceptional way.

"It's unparalleled. Never been done before," says Jones of his plan to ask for the world if they move down in the draft.

When the new head coach, Jason Garrett, was asked about the plan to literally "ask for the world if [the Dallas Cowboys] move down, he shrugged his shoulders and looked emotionless. "I'm fine with it. We're pretty much America's team all over the world so it really makes sense when you think of it. We can be the world's team."

The Cowboys have released the order of the countries and regions they plan to ask for in a press release earlier today. Australia will be first to be acquired by The Cowboys, and then Ireland follows. The Cowboys then plan on wheeling and dealing for most of the European Union, with the exception of Italy and Belgium.

The Cowboys will then ask for parts of Asia and Latin America. They are not interested in Colombia, Mexico or Japan for obvious reasons. However, they will leave their options open for acquiring those countries in the coming decades as things get better.

Mr. Jones and his negotiators are still figuring out what to do about Africa, more specifically the areas of The Congo and Darfur.

When asked if they were planning on acquiring any parts of the United States, they said yes, but wouldn't confirm which states. However, a source close to the Cowboys has provided us with documentation that infers the following states are being considered: all of the state that start with vowels, and all the states that start with W, with the exception of Wyoming. Apparently, the Dallas Cowboys are not interested in the state that's famous for making cheese.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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