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Wednesday, 27 April 2011

image for Mourinho To Set Up Real Madrid v Schalke 'Alternative' Champions League Final
A Packed Crowd Awaiting The Alternative CL Final.

If things don't go their way in next week's CL semi-final second leg ties, it is thought that Jose Mourinho will arrange for an alternative Champions League final tie, between Real Madrid and Schalke 04 at Bolton Wanderers' Reebok Stadium.

It is believed that the initiative is being given 100% backing from UEFA, given that Michel Platini loathes both Manchester United and Barcelona, and didn't want to see either club represented in the Wembley showpiece final, this May.

Insiders say that Sepp Blatter also wanted a Schalke v Madrid final, so he's standing firmly behind the Frenchman and planning on hiking ticket prices for a probable Barcelona v Manchester United final to a minimum of £760.

Whereas tickets for the "alternative" CL final between Real Madrid and Schalke will be on offer from £7.60 for adults and £0.76 for juniors and concessions.

Negotiations for broadcasting rights are currently under negotiation, with Network Rail likely to win with a bid of £760 to show the fixture live on TV screens at London Waterloo station.

Jose Mourinho - red carded in the Bernabeu first leg - is said to be trumpeting the "alternative" CL final as "The match of the new millennium."

Favourite to present the trophy, is Bolton based roly-poly funnyman Peter Kay, who has also been contracted to give a pre-match warm up speech about the virtues of garlic bread.

Sir Alex Ferguson and Pep Guardiola allegedly exchanged text messages to the effect that Jose Mourinho has finally gone completely cuckoo, radio rental, and away with the fairies.

Cheryl Cole is still only 5'3"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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