Written by Monkey Woods
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Monday, 16 May 2011

image for West Ham Reject Avram Grant To Be Catapulted Into Space
A Croatian rocket once designed for Slaven Bilic

Avram Grant, the ex-manager of Premier League West Ham United, who were yesterday relegated to the Championship after a 3-2 defeat at Wigan, is to be sent hurtling into space by Hammers fans who are just about sick and tired of his pathetic excuses.

They have come up with the novel idea of ridding themselves of his Israeli ass using a rocket built by a local rocketeering enthusiast. John Doomsday created the high-powered rocket in his shed, and claims it will be powerful enough to take Grant out of the Earth's atmosphere and into orbit.

Grant, who also steered Portsmouth to relegation last season, is making quite a name for himself as a manager who can just about guarantee where his team will be at the end of the campaign.

Said Mr Doomsday:

"We had the idea after someone commented that Mr Grant needed a rocket up his arse. He's had all season to turn things around, and we still finished bottom. It's excuse after excuse. After excuse. After excuse."

West Ham have won only seven of their 37 Premier League games, and deserve to go down after that dodgy Carlos Tevez business a few years ago.

The launch is due to take place after West Ham's last home match against Sunderland next Sunday.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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