Written by IainB
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Tuesday, 26 April 2011

image for Shock as Entire Celtic team resign
It came as something of a bombshell

Manager of Stalybridge Celtic, Jim Harvey, admitted his shock when he discovered that the entire team had resigned.

"I was told by a text message," Harvey said in a press conference at the club's Bower Fold ground. "Chairman Rob Gorski sent it."

In previous seasons, the Cheshire outfit have had to rebuild the entire squad during the close season. Fans of the club had been looking forward to a summer of consolidation instead of a complete redesign.

"I thought I was going to have to do rebuild again," said Harvey. "Which was something of a bombshell, given I'd been hoping that most of the squad would sign up for another season with us. It was a little depressing to be honest. At the time I thought, that's just the way it goes."

Jim Harvey began making phone calls to see what players were available, hoping to get a head start on the other teams.

"I realised I was going to have to find out what kind of budget I was going to be working with," said Harvey. "So I sent a text message back asking what kid of playing budget we would have, given the team had resigned."

Rob Gorski for his part admitted his confusion. "I was confused when I got a message from Jim asking for budget information," he said from his two seater yacht in Monaco.

The confusion ended when the pair actually spoke on the phone.

"I realise in hindsight," said Rob Gorski, "That perhaps I should have included a hyphen. 'Re-signed' not 'resigned'."

"On the plus side," said Harvey, "I've found a couple of players I wouldn't have known were available."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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