Written by Monkey Woods
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Monday, 25 April 2011

image for Fernando Torres Dedicates First Goal To Prince William And Kate Middleton Ahead Of Royal Wedding
Torres is hoping for a last-minute invite to Friday's game

Chelsea striker Fernando Torres is in wonderland after scoring his first goal for the club in the 3-0 victory over West Ham at the weekend, and has dedicated the goal to Prince William and his bride-to-be Kate Middleton ahead of Friday's Royal Wedding.

Torres, 27, who made a £50million move from Liverpool in January, hadn't found the net in 903 minutes of football, but came on as a late substitute against the Hammers and scored with a left-foot shot that sent fans delirious.

The Spaniard looked as if he had scored a last-minute World Cup-winning goal, instead of one against one of the shittest teams in the Premier League, but I suppose they all count.

And he took no time at all in showing his big heart when he spoke afterwards, saying:

"I am so happy to score this goals. It is for Prince William and Miss Middleton. It's a wedding present for them. I am so happy to score this goals. Thank you."

Prince William, a 'true-Blue' Chelsea supporter himself, was delighted. He said:

"I'm delighted. For Fernando, and for myself and Kate. And for Chelsea and the fans. And for my Mum. And for the troops. And for anyone else who knows me."

* Readers who are not interested in the Royal Wedding on Friday, and don't want to be bothered by its excessive media coverage, are advised to take one of the following courses of evasive action:

1. imbibe copious amounts of alcohol or mind-bending drugs, and hide in a garden shed with a bucket placed over your head

2. shoot yourself between the eyes

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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