Written by Skoob1999
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Sunday, 24 April 2011

image for Branson/Sugar Consortium Swoop On Dallas Cowboys
football

In a complete reversal of current business models, usually involving American investors like the Glazer family buying into Premiership football clubs in the hope of turning a fast buck, whilst taking over an operation which they have no idea whatsoever about how it functions, Brit magnates Richard Branson and Alan Sugar are reversing the trend by attempting to purchase the Dallas Cowboys NFL franchise.

"It's just logical progression," City trader DB Trotter explained. "Where there's money to be made, these British icons are right on the money. This time next year, they'll be billionaires."

Further investigations revealed the Dallas Cowboys franchise to be particularly vulnerable to such financial machinations, partly because their 'fans' are too busy stuffing their faces with burritos and chugging on beers to notice what's happening on the field of play, much less behind the scenes.

"The Americans have got it all wrong, trying to buy in to English tradition," City banker Fred Shred remarked. "Rich and Alan are actively reversing the trend, because Cowboys fans are among the dumbest on the planet. They even pay fifty bucks for a ticket to roam the stadium concourses watching the game, with no right to a seat. Mind you, you can't really blame them. All those fat arsed Texans wolfing down beer and enchiladas - phew! The wind travels. Know what I mean? You're way better off under the stands."

Business analyst Graeme Norton welcomed the trend reversal, saying:

"It's a gay thing really. We have gay footballers in England, but they're not all tattoo wearing, body piercing maniacs who have to have a sit down after ten seconds of groping a linebacker in a scrimmage. And have oxygen. While loads of fat closet gaylords stuff their faces in the stands, farting the Trumpet Voluntary, and fantasizing about sniffing Demi Lovato's panties between plays. While they watch steroid enhanced jocks patting one another down when the special team takes the field. God, talk about the TSA. Even in the stands, pat downs appear to be the order of the day - and you rarely see a woman. It's the gayest market of sycophantic closet gays in the world, and it's just ripe for exploitation."

Analysts predict that the Branson/Sugar consortium may well be on to a sure fire winner, with junk food and beer sales multiplying ticketed stadium entries by a factor of 25:1

Which should go some way towards balancing the books after Bush's Republican administration hurled the world into economic crisis with its sub-prime mortgage scam - something that they can't blame Obama for, but which will influence the lives of the poorest people in the third world for at least a century to come.

Thank you America. Have a bit of it back. Where it hurts.

Editor's note: This article was meticulously researched on Gay.con, the Paedophile Information Exchange and Wickidpaedia.

Make Skoob1999's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 4 plus 4?

9 23 18 8
80 readers are online right now!

Go to top