Written by lawyer
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Topics: Kids, Fighting

Saturday, 8 October 2005

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This is a true story about my mate cliffy, that's not his real name it's just a name that's stuck to him since we were kids. Personally I thought that Michael Bolton would have been more apt as he use to dress and have his hair like him when Michael Bolton was fashionable, nowadays baldy would be more fitting though cliffy now likes to think he looks like VIN Diesel and secretly he does a bit.

Now like any good story you're going to need a bit of background on Cliffy. About 7 years ago He was in a serious relationship with a woman that ended up with her sort of dumping him in the middle of a family crisis, a close and young family member died suddenly. I'm not really sure that his partner dumped him but she certainly wasn't there when he needed her. Close friends or family of a similar age as your own who die young I find often remind us of our own mortality and perhaps for a time makes us want to live for the day.

Well Cliffy certainly has been living for the day ever since. He moved into what can only be described as a knocking shop. Infect it's a house Cliffys mate owns in Barry and 3 other single men live there too. Cliffy is now a serial shagger. He lives for his nights out in Cardiff's town centre, in particular his favourite haunt is life. He tells me that the last place he would go to look for a woman for a serious relationship would be a nightclub according to the gospel of Cliffy people in nightclubs are only after one thing and it's not drinking or dancing. Anyway stop veering off the story Pete
As I said Cliffy shares the house with a few other men, I refer to the group as a whole as the Barry bum boys, well one night Cliffy has gone to town (Cardiff town) with one of them but decides to leave early. He told me it was because there was no one there he fancied, I believe it was because there was no one there that didn't know him for the male slag he is. So he manages to cadge a lift home off someone, leaving his friend in town on his own, well he wasn't on his own he had actually managed to pull an attractive woman. Cliffy said that she really fancied him but she was in denial.

So that should've been that Cliffys gone home, his mates in town with a young woman, what can possibly happen to affect this joyous Saturday evening. Well read on and ill tell you.
Barry is quite a way from Cardiff so minibus drivers usually wait at the taxi ranks and take a full bus back and the passengers split the fare. This way the driver and the passengers get a good deal, down side is of course you don't get to pick who your fellow passengers will be. On this Saturday not being able to pick your fellow passengers proved to be a major problem for Cliffys mate and his date for the night.

On the bus also was her ex boyfriend and his mate Baz. Now her exboyfriend wasn't her ex because he didn't like her no more it was quite the opposite she had dumped him for his violent tendencies. What made it worse was that her ex and his mate were sat behind her. No sooner had the mini bus set off than the abuse started, first was the verbal then the physical how bad this could be on a crowded minibus I couldn't say but the next day Cliffys mate showed no signs of damage but Cliffys mate is no fighter and there's two of them.

Our hero in this story if you can call him that is sat at home when his phone rings (his ring tone is the lord of the valkries.) Its his mate he's on the minibus receiving what he describes as a shoeing from two guys because of the woman he's taking home, will Cliffy help him? Damn right he will Cliffy is not only a serial shagger he's also the local hard man.

Cliffy has been on the minibus many times before so he knows the route it will take. One of the other house mates offers him a lift, Cliffy says we'll cut them off on the top road (too many westerns me thinks) they do indeed cut them off on the top road and force the minibus to pull over.

Cliffy pulls the side door open and instantly spots the two assailants he then proceeds to give them a slap (his words) after he finishes man handling them a bit, the more violent of the two asks Cliffy if he knows who he's messing with at this Cliffy tells me he loses it and batters him (his words) Cliffys final words to me on this story was "I hate bullies."

Make lawyer's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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