Written by Reddon
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Saturday, 23 April 2011

image for Chicharito Strikes Again
Viva Chicharito! Javier's Dad.

A pretty one-sided affair this afternoon at Old Trafford, as Manchester United pounded the Everton goal remorselessly, and pretty much without reward as the boys in blue dug in.

The Merseysiders successfully resisted wave after red shirted wave, as United attacked, attacked, and then attacked some more. But United couldn't make the decisive breakthrough, and Everton's Jagielka and Distin looked unbeatable in the air.

The tension at Old Trafford was palpable as United peppered the Toffeemen's goal. With the season drawing to a close, United's desperation to strike the killer blow became all too evident, as a tea lady suggested to Sir Alex Ferguson that he put Michael Owen on, in order to work the ball on the ground.

After a quick conversation with a man in a turban, Fergie did indeed send Owen on, and the tactical ploy almost worked as Owen pounced at the near post, only to see the ball deflected against the post by the fat arse of an Everton defender.

The breakthrough did eventually come, when Valencia found space down the right. He crossed, and despite a deflection which sent the ball looping through the air, it proved no problem for the little Mexican. Chicharito lay in wait at the far post, timed his jump perfectly, and headed the ball down and beyond a desperately grasping Tim Howard into the back of the Everton net. One-nil United, with only a few minutes left to play.

There was consternation on 90 minutes as the fourth official announced five minutes of added time, prompting complaints afterwards from the United boss, who can't ever seem to make his mind up how long exactly he wants a game to last.

"We were taking the piss out of old Taggart," somebody claiming to be an FA official sniggered.

Whatever, Chicharito's late goal did much in diverting the Premier League trophy back to Old Trafford.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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