England footballer, Rio Ferdinand, has yet to respond to claims that he is actually 65 years old. A recent drugs test has found that his genes are decrepit and have tiny wispy beards. The drugs test, which otherwise has caused no other scandals at all, is shocking and vile.
Ferdinand's closest pals have said:
"Rio isn't even his real name...he just thought it would be cooler than Harold."
Ferdinand has been dropped from the England squad for their upcoming game against Turkey, for fear that he might break his hip or be late getting his pension.