Manchester United boss, Sir Alex Ferguson has vowed to go one better than Jose Mourinho's Real Madrid by dropping the Premiership trophy under the tracks of a Challenger tank, should United fend off late title charges from rivals Chelsea and Arsenal.
Having recovered from a bout of pissing himself laughing at the antics of Real Madrid defender Sergio Ramos, who dropped the Copa Del Rey under the wheels of Real Madrid's open topped bus, Fergie said:
"It's given me an idea. If we win the Premiership, we'll have a parade through town on a Challenger tank and drop the trophy under the tracks of said tank. Anything Mourinho can do, we can do better. They reduced the Copa Del Rey to the point of mangled scrap. Using a bus. We've worked it out that dropping the Premiership trophy under the tracks of a tank will reduce it to tinsel. They've got two anyway, so it should be a laugh for the lads after a tiring season."
An FA spokesman vowed that if United do win the trophy, and subsequently drop it underneath the tracks of a Challenger tank, then they'll face severe sanctions."
So far, Wayne Rooney, Nani, Dimitar Berbatov and Ryan Giggs have offered to drop the trophy. Paul Scholes is said to be unimpressed by the plan, saying he would prefer to subject the trophy to repeated studs up two-footed tackles - promising an equally devastating job without the unwanted expense of hiring a Challenger tank.