Written by Reddon
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Thursday, 21 April 2011

image for Chelsea Pile On The Pressure In Title Race
John Terry - Darts Skipper Extraordinaire

Chelsea maintained the pressure on league leaders Manchester United last night with an emphatic 3-1 rout of Birmingham City; Kalou and a Malouda brace figuring on the score sheet.

It must be worrying for the Blues though, that Fernando Torres extended his goal drought to a staggering 893 minutes since joining the club. Not bad for fifty mil.

Insiders say that Chelsea are ready to pull out all the stops in order to retain their title, although making up a six point deficit with only five games remaining does appear to be a tall order for Ancelotti's troops.

Ashley Cole certainly hasn't given up the struggle and has been recently given a morale booster with the news that his Tweets of himself in his underpants have gone viral.

John Terry also revealed that he has been reinstated as skipper of his local pub darts team after that spot of bother with the Perroncel woman.

And some injunctions. Allegedly.

Even Man United bound Didier Drogba has pledged to give his all to the cause, providing Torres pulls his finger out and bangs a couple into the onion bag.

"My job here is almost complete," the Ivorean quipped enigmatically.

Frank Lampard has even offered to stay out of the limelight and keep Christine Bleakley under wraps until the final five games are played, and Roman Abramovich has promised the squad that if they can pull off the daunting challenge of retaining the title, then he might actually smile. For a change.

The miserable git.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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