Written by Reddon
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Wednesday, 20 April 2011

image for Homeless Man Calls Balotelli: "A Tight Bastard."
Balotelli - Balls To The Tight Get!

It seems that Manchester City's Italian strike sensation, and occasional bad boy, Mario Balotelli, can do no right.

Emerging from a Manchester casino in the early hours, the young Italian spotted homeless man, Thomas Trinder, 56, bedding down for the night in a nearby doorway with his worldly possessions - packed into two Co-Op carrier bags.

In what Balotelli must have interpreted as an act of human kindness, he approached Trinder, and placed £1,000 in readies into the man's grimy hand, probably expecting the rough sleeper to be eternally grateful for such selfless benevolence.

Alas, it was not to be.

Speaking to reporters later, Trinder, a United fan, who follows his team home and away in a local Comet showroom, said:

"I thought it was jolly decent of him to bung me a grand. I mean, most casino punters come out with empty pockets, so I thought it was a nice gesture. On the face of it. But then I read the papers this morning and found out that the tight bastard had trousered a cool 25 grand. A bit more generosity wouldn't have come amiss. He could have at least gone halves with me and asked me back to his sumptuous apartment for a bit of fun with some high class escort girls and some vodka.

"But no. The tight get fobs me off with a measly grand. How long does he think that's going to last out here? Doesn't the twat know there's a recession on? Besides, I'll have to hide from all me mates now, cos they'll think I'm minted. Balotelli? Tight bastard!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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