Written by Skoob1999
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Saturday, 16 April 2011

image for Liam Gallagher To Stop Being A Knob Head
Liam. Cool man.

Speaking on the BBC's Football Focus programme ahead of today's Wembley FA Cup semi-final Manchester derby, mono-browed knuckle dragger, Liam Gallagher explained to the gullible and bewildered, that the whole Manchester United 'thing' went clear over his head.

A United spokesman said on behalf of the club that United were grateful for that small mercy, and relieved by an apparent close shave as just before the United 'thing' went over Liam's head, there were fears that it may have become entangled in his one big eyebrow.

The former Oasis frontman went on to inexplicably describe city rivals, United's fans as having no fashion sense, and all coming from London anyway.

"I must admit," United fan Jarbo the Killer said as he enjoyed a steady gallon of the amber nectar in the Spotted Dog public house in Willesden Green before the match. "Liam is a fashion icon. You've got to hand it to him, he knows that game inside out. Which is more than you can say for his recording studio whining. I mean, who else wears a parka these days? Or clothes that don't fit? Thank God he's not one of our lot - that would just be embarrassing. And no self respecting United fan would get his teeth knocked out by a German bouncer - an English bouncer, maybe. But never a sausage scoffer. Mind you, poor old Liam is only five foot eight, a little man with a big attitude and an arse for a gob."

A spokesman for Liam Gallagher told reporters that backroom staff were working around the clock in an attempt to stop Liam talking bollocks all the time and being a right proper knob-head.

"They've no chance," brother Noel (the talented one) reportedly told friends. "He's a lost cause is our Liam. Mind you, he was seventeen before he learned to tie his own shoelaces, so I suppose you'd expect him to talk bollocks and be a knob-head."

"And he doesn't disappoint," added former wife, Patsy Kensit, the actress out of Absolute Beginners, with a theme tune by David Bowie. "Oh, and if anybody calls me a money-grubbing old slapper in this interview, I'll sue. Got it?"

United fan, Mick Hucknall, out of Simply Red said that he doesn't know what all the fuss is about, adding that he hopes Liam does actually stop being a knob-head, because he's not a very good advert for the People's Republic Of Mancunia.

But he can't see it happening any time soon.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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