Written by Skoob1999
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Wednesday, 13 April 2011

image for Torres Chelsea Nightmare Continues - Still Firing Blanks - Viagra Advised
Cheaper Than £50 Million.

Another night at the office for £50 million out of sorts Chelsea striker, Fernando Torres. Another disaster. This time the office was Old Trafford in the Champions League quarter final, second leg, which saw the Spaniard substituted at half time as he failed to score for the eleventh game in a row.

And Chelsea crashed out of the competition, having been soundly thrashed 3-1 on aggregate by a rampant Manchester United.

Prompting Sky Sports pundit Jamie Redknapp to opine that Torres's confidence is shot, and former Liverpool mustachioed assassin Graeme Souness to speculate that perhaps Torres is all washed up, as he hasn't performed to any great effect for the better part of a year.

It must be said, that in the 45 minute display at Old Trafford, Torres looked devoid of ideas, leaden footed, and generally about as effective as a fart in a wind tunnel as he flapped and fannied about.

But apparently, all is not lost for the world's only sallow looking Spanish striker, as Chelsea fan Giles Balls Pond-Road told reporters after the match:

"He just needs a bit of viagra. It doesn't half put the lead back in one's pencil, I can tell you. He'll be banging 'em in like the clappers if he succumbs to the little blue pill. He'll be good to go with that, providing of course it doesn't contravene the banned substance rules. I know when I got some, the better half didn't stop smiling for months."

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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