Written by Skoob1999
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Saturday, 9 April 2011

image for Manchester United v Liverpool Rivalry Plumbs New Depths
Roger Hunt - He Was Good Wasn't He?

The much documented rivalry between English football giants, Manchester United and Liverpool plumbed new depths today, following the announcement that Stevie Gerrard is likely to be out for the rest of the season.

It looks pretty much like it's going to be another disappointing season for Liverpool, despite trousering £50 million for Kop flop Fernando Torres and landing some hairy Geordie bloke for a mere £35 million, realising something of a profit.

The profit has not manifested itself on the pitch, where, by all accounts, Liverpool have been "a bit shit" according to sports reporters.

To which, avid Liverpool fan, Mickey McWhack responded:

"We won it five times. We won it five times! I just don't get what them there manky Mancs are getting at. We won it five times. There's no arguing with that lar."

Apparently - there is some arguing with that, as devoted United fan Jarbo the Killer told us:

"Five times my arse! They beat the mighty Bruges and Malmo in two of them finals! We beat Benfica, with Eusebio and Torres (not the plank who plays for Chelsea now - the good Torres) Bayern Munich and that there Russian team, you know, the gay one, Chelski, in Moscow no less. Liverpool are blown out. We're top dogs now."

"They're all plastics, them Mancs," McWhack countered. "Most of 'em live in Luton. They're all just glory hunters and bandwagon jumpers. Just day trippers out at the megastore to stock up on placcy shirts and tickets for the Coronation Street tour at Granada Studios. They're not proper football fans..."

When told about McWhack's remarks, Jarbo countered:

"Not football fans eh? They make me laugh, these Mickeys. We've had Robson, Cantona, Giggs, Scholes, Neville, Van Nistelrooy, Ronaldo, Schmeichel, Best, Law, Charlton, Crerand, and what did they have?"

McWhack at this point smashed a beer glass against a wall and muttered something about Razor Ruddock, Mark Wright, Jan Molby and Robbie Fowler before storming off in what appeared to be an extremely bad mood.

Joey Barton was unavailable for comment.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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