Written by Ellis Ian Fields
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Sunday, 20 March 2011

image for Liverpool Triumph As North East Suffers Apocalyptic Football Weekend

The Laing Art Gallery in Newcastle is currently hosting an exhibition of work by 19th century painter of apocalyptic scenes and divine retribution John Martin.

The region's football teams must have felt these had been brought to life as they suffered a horrendous weekend.

Newcastle were hammered 4-0 at Stoke and Sunderland lost at home, 0-2, to a re-emergent Liverpool, while Hartlepool were spanked 5-2 at Walsall.

Certainly the Black Cats of Sunderland will feel they were victims of some capricious deity. They suffered two enforced substitutions through injury in the first half hour before conceding a dubious penalty which Kuyt converted to give the Scousers the lead against the run of play.

But there was nothing about wonder-boy Suarez's winner thumped in at the near post in the second half. Then, to add insult to injury Mensah was sent off on 82 for felling that same man.

Our sports editor, Thelonious Adidas, said: "Yup, bad weekend to be a north-eastern football fan. Mind you, seeing some of those Mackems leaving the Stadium of Light after Liverpool's second goal, they looked like they were ready to deny their affiliation.

"And it's always a laugh when Newcastle get stuffed, isn't it? They so believe that everyone loves them."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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