Written by Ellis Ian Fields
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Saturday, 19 March 2011

image for Six Nations Showdown Day: Retailers On The Brink
Bad for business?

Will England win the Grand Slam or will the Irish spoil the party?

Can the Welsh triumph in France and sneak the title? Italy to beat he Scots anyone?

Can retailers survive seven hours of fully-televised Six Nations rugby union?

The shopping streets of Britain's cities, towns and villages are expected to be empty today as people stay home to watch the rugger.

Butcher Ron Ribeye told us: "It's bad enough when there's just one bloody game on. Normally, it's packed in here on Saturday afternoons - queueing out the door, they are.

"But on rugby days custom's right down. Three matches, one after the other? Watch the tumbleweed roll down the street - it'll be like a ghost town round here.

"We're on the brink - many more days like this and it could be the end."

Laura Crochet, who runs the children's clothes shop across from Dave, said: "Oh, don't lisen to him. He's a miserable git - he reckons it's a disaster if he has a couple of sausages left on Saturdays.

"God, I hate him."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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