Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 13 March 2011

image for The Milwaukee Brewers Announce They Are Moving Out Of Wisconsin Because Of Governor Scott "The Emperor" Walker
Milwaukee Brewers pitcher Shaun Marcum #18 taking batting practice. (Photo courtesy of Billy Crystal).

MILWAUKEE - Governor Scott Walker's 'Anti-Union Bill' has already turned around and bit him on his, to use an old baseball term, ass.

Governor Walker, who many Wisconsin residents have said has taken the liberty of self-appointing himself the "Emperor of Wisconsin," has just been informed by the Major League Baseball commissioner that the Milwaukee Brewers have decided to leave Milwaukee and the state of Wisconsin as soon as possible.

A spokesperson for the Brewers organization, Yasmeen Heidleburg, 26, stated that the entire Milwaukee baseball team voted unanimously to ask the team owner to move the team out of the state whose governor has turned his back on every state union member from the police and firemen to the teachers and professional athletes.

Sports Territory Magazine reported that even though the Brewers opening game is slated for March 31, the team has decided that there is just no way that they can continue playing in a state whose governor has in essence told them that he regards them as 'second class' citizens.

Brewers first baseman, Prince Fielder, who is the highest paid player on the Brewers team at $11 million a year, stated that if the team remains in Wisconsin future Milwaukee players could end up playing for $10 or $12 an hour plus all the popcorn and Cracker Jacks they can eat.

Miss Heidleburg was asked where the Brewers would be relocating to. She smiled and said that they have already had talks with the mayors of five different interested cities.

And so in a few weeks when the customary opening day shouts of "Play Ball!" ring out and echo throughout the many baseball fields, stadiums, parks, and domed arenas in America, the public address system at Milwaukee's Miller Park will be silent and the high-priced box seats and the bleachers where the Brewers play will be totally empty.

Miss Heidleburg smiled coyly and remarked that as of now, there is a 99% possibility that the Milwaukee Brewers will soon become the Bowling Green Brewers of the great state of Kentucky.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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