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Saturday, 12 March 2011

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Fans of Scottish Premier League outfit Dundee United have been warned to prepare for seeing "Exodus" and other epic films at Tannadice next season.

Film buff and chairman Steven Thompson is scrapping the traditional pre match and half time playing of chart music and personal messages.

In its place snatches of classic movies will be shown on huge new screens to be located in 2 diagonally opposite corners of the ground in the hope that the watching of sweeping, dramatic scenes will create a much noisier atmosphere in Tannadice than currently prevails.

Thompson, known as the Otto Preminger of the SPL because of his passion for big screen epics, has identified "Exodus" as the first movie to be screened.

The 1960 tale of the founding of the state of Israel will hopefully inspire everyone in Tannadice to keep fighting for the cause in the face of adversity even when the odds seem to be stacked against them, whether due to rank bad refereeing, a waterlogged pitch or the fact that their traditional long ball games simply isn't working.

An atypically exuberant Thompson enthused:

"I'm really buzzing at this brainwave of mine. I firmly believe that, if the fans buy into the concept, this innovation could help transform Dundee United from a struggling, mid table SPL club into a European force again.

"As well as 'Exodus', I've got 'Ben Hur', 'Saving Private Ryan' and of course 'Seven Samurai' lined up for United fans to enjoy next season.

"Bring on Barca and Man U".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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