Manchester City's Argentinian striker, the much traveled Carlos Tevez today once again announced that he is all set to leave the nouveau-riche Manchester club, and the city to which he once extended a welcome to visitors by way of a big billboard.
Tevez's agent, Robin Sweinn, announced that his client has found life in Manchester particularly uncomfortable since his arrival from West Ham.
"Carlos experienced hearing difficulties during his time at Manchester United," Sweinn said. "So he went to City, but now his world has imploded and he wants to go somewhere with nicer weather - where the girls don't all have corned beef legs - like Madrid, Barcelona or Milan."
It is widely believed by observers who widely believe things that Carlos Tevez finally decided that enough is enough, and that he's had it with Manchester, following an incident in which Carlos's favourite pet goldfish was brutally and sadistically murdered in his own back garden. In a crime scene which horrified even hardened police detectives.
The goldfish, named "Giggsy" was reportedly put outside casa Tevez in his goldfish bowl on the patio after he appeared to be becoming overheated.
"Seems like "Giggsy" got overheated indoors," a neighbour said. "So Carlos took his bowl and put him on the patio to cool off a bit. It wasn't until later when Carlos came to bring "Giggsy" back indoors that he realised something was terribly wrong. "Giggsy's" bowl was empty, although the ceramic galleon remained intact - but all that remained of "Giggsy" was a chewed up head and tail. Carlos was distraught. Living in Manchester is perhaps a bridge too far for the lad. He was already upset about the looming snood ban, but the "Giggsy" thing tipped him over the edge. From what I've heard, the police are looking for a cat. And Carlos is looking for Jose Mourinho."
More as we get it.