Written by IainB
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Wednesday, 9 March 2011

image for Everton fan banned from Goodison Park for calling Saha French
Everton suffer as people use the Text A Complaint line

David Sibson, a lifelong Everton fan has been arrested and banned from Goodison Park after calling Saha a 'useless lazy French bastard' under racism guidelines.

"I could understand being prosecuted under the trades description act if I'd called him a footballer," said Sibson. "But French? Is his nationality in dispute? He's turned out for the French national team for godsake."

Officials at Everton had no problems with Sibson calling Saha 'useless', 'lazy' or a 'bastard', it was only the 'French' part causing uproar.

Sibson is the first victim of Everton's new Text A Complaint system, where if a supporter is offended by another supporter's actions, they can text their seat number to the Everton Complaint Line, and have them ejected.

"It's a stupid system," said Sibson. "At this rate they'll only be two people left watching Everton, and they'll be racing to enter each other's seat numbers first."

Everton FC have denied that they think being called by a country of birth is a racist remark. "It's not a black and white issue," said Everton Spokesperson, Anne Field. "In the actual situation, the term was meant as an insult, and on those grounds, it is racist. I couldn't spell xenophobic for the official report."

Political Correctness watchdogs are watching the outcome of this case carefully, in case they suddenly have to rename French Kissing, French Letters, French Bread and the film the French Connection to less racist names, such as 'tongues', 'rubbers', 'crusty stick bread' and 'A really shit 1950s film'.

Louis Saha was asked what he thought of the whole affair, unfortunately, the striker only speaks French.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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