Written by Nick Hobbs
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Tuesday, 8 March 2011

image for Arsenal Keeper Szczesny Replaced Mid Game Through Injury
Is that my false lashes....

Arsenal goal keeper, and officially world's most difficult name to spell, Wojciech Szczesny was substituted mid way through the first half of their crucial Champion's League game with Barcelona.

The keeper saved a shot on goal from the Spanish attack, and immediately looked to be in some considerable discomfort.

Waving to the sidelines, the Polish keeper indicated to medical staff that he had hurt his hand. Watching numerous playbacks, it was hard to determine exactly what had happened.

It was thought that he had possibly sprained his hand, or even badly bent his finger back, but nothing seemed to add up.

However, sources close to the Arsenal camp have now revealed why Szczesny was removed.

He had broken a false nail, and it had become stuck inside his glove, which in turn was chaffing his finger. As he saved the ball it dislodged the nail, scratching his finger.

Shocked, and obviously ashamed of not having a full set of nails for the big match, the keeper was replaced by his counterpart Manuel Almunia, who had luckily done his hair especially for the occasion.

Speaking of the change, manager Arsene Wenger told us "I take care of my boys, vey play vewy well, nd I wish for vem to be 'appy! Vey are pretty men, vey look good in shorts, vey look very good in showers. If one of vem feel pain, I put on a plaster. If one of vem smudge vare make-up, I give vem time to re-apply it. I remove vem from ve game. I am bozz, iss what I do, non?"

The half time locker-room beauticians had their work cut out, as the rather scrappy game had taken it's toll on several of Arsenal's leading men's foundation layer. Van Persie's eye-liner had taken a serious streaking, after weeping when missing an easy chance, just before half time.

Szczesny was fine, said a spokesperson, as he had the falsie re-applied with some glue.

Updates as we get them.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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