Written by Skoob1999
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Monday, 7 March 2011

image for Local Man's Plea: "Just Leave Me Alone" (But Not In A Michael Jackson Way)
Shuttlecock Hears The Final Score

Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, tonight made an impassioned plea to just be left alone as he is still smarting following his beloved Manchester United FC's trouncing by the Scouse hordes.

Shuttlecock told Skoob News reporters:

"Can't you just leave me alone? I don't want to be famous. I don't want to be a star. I'm just gutted - I say "gutted" in a Fred Elliot way. Them there Scousers have turned me beloved United over again. I can't hack this...just go away..."

Although insiders report that Shuttlecock is 'as sick as a chip' the man himslef* remains defiant.

* Just an inside joke.

"What about Jimmy Greenhof? No treble there then in 77. What about Eric Cantona? Armani suits in cream my arse!"

Shuttlecock was last seen trying to hang himslef with a jungle vine like them what Bear Grylls uses on the Discovery Channel show - 'Bear Grylls and Jungle Vines'

"This one is going to take some living down," Shuttlecock admitted.

More as we get it. Preferably not from Shuttlecock.

Because he's an idiot.

More idiotic tales from the Hell that is Anfield as we get them.


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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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