Written by Neil Levine
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Topics: Baseball, Yankees

Tuesday, 13 September 2005

image for Yankees Manager Joe Torre Gives An Inspirational Speech
This Is Our Big Chance

Manager Joe Torre, in a dedicated and sincere effort to inspire his players to play professional baseball, has gathered his team in the clubhouse, locked the doors and told them what the score is.


"Alright, listen up. We're in the home stretch. This is the final count down. The time has come to show that we are made of talent and can play big league baseball."


"From hereon in we are going to hit, catch, run and throw the ball with all the finesse of a winning team. We have done it before. We can do it again. All we have to do is pay attention and look sharp. Just hit the ball on its head and send it on its merry way. That is precisely what it takes to play winning baseball."


"Think of baseball as a battlefield. So from now on no shilly shallying. No more looking bad. No goofing up. We're going to show a winning attitude and put up the runs to show we want to win."


"What's more, we're going to stop those other guys from scoring by playing hard ball. No more breaking water coolers, card playing or guitar tuning. Kno more Blaughckhead plays or harmonica jokes either. Just clean, straight baseball. No sirree. What we're going to do is throw those other guys off their game plan by making a lot of smart plays and forcing them to crack up. That'll keep them off balance, let me tell you."


"As for catching, keep your eye on the ball at all times and use both hands whenever possible. Don't forget your glove can come in handy in rough situations wherever they pop up."


"I want to emphasize that If those other pitchers and rookies were any good they'd be playing for the Yankees. Let me tell you."

"So here's the game plan. What we're going to do is in the first inning start out playing hard. In the second inning, we're not going to let them relax. In the third, we'll let them know we're still playing hard. In the fourth, we'll keep up the pressure. For the fifth, we'll have a scotch. Taking us to the sixth where we'll hit our stride and in the seventh, we'll stretch and hold them off in the eighth and close the game out in the ninth. It's as simple as that."


"And you have no idea how I miss Willie. I don't really want to share a Subway sandwich or wear Nike sneakers, but, heck, Willie is a nice guy and was always helpful in a pinch and I'm still fond of Ford's, Lincolns and Caddy's, not necessarily in that order. Say hey, Willie."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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