A Football Association spokesman has reiterated their belief that Wayne Rooney will accede to the United Kingdom throne even though Prince Charles has been waiting in the wings for 30 years.
Brian Hayes, the F.A's Director of Communications, threw the full weight of the Association behind the Man United striker, even though Queen Elizabeth the Second shows no sign of giving up her title.
"Wayne has got everything you would need to rule the country", Hayes commented, "he's got determination, staying power, youth on his side and a great deal of enthusiasm.
The only doubt I would have over Wayne would be in relation to his decision making.
While there's no doubt that royal males are no strangers to scandals in their private lives, its fair to assume that if Mr Rooney wished to resume his liaison with a prostitute that was old enough to be his mother would have to be conducted away from the tabloid spotlight.
And Wayne would have to curb his inclination to elbow an opponent for no apparent reason, if he were to succeed the Queen. While he might have escaped unpunished during the recent fixture with Wigan, there would presumably be no hiding place for him if he were to repeat such
an action when he was being presented to the King of Denmark.
Of course, ironing out such flaws would fall under the purview of the Queen's Equery of Etiquette, Quentin Fortesque-Pascale".
Its fair to say that Master Fortesque-Pascale could well have his work cut out.