Written by Nick Hobbs
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Sunday, 6 March 2011

image for Manchester United's Nani Invents Leg Injury To Save Getting Shouted At During Half Time
Nanny, yesterday.

Manchester United's Nani was taken off just before half time during the drubbing they were getting from arch-rivals Liverpool.

In a fantastic display that the Oscar judges would have been proud of, Nani dropped to the floor after a soft challenge from Liverpool's rock-solid defender Jamie Carragher.

As players from both sides surrounded the referee, the opposition insisting in a vain attempt to get Carragher removed from the game, Nani's leg made enough of a recovery to allow him to run over to the referee himself and protest against Carragher's challenge.

He then dramatically dropped to the floor and started weeping like a girl, much to the derision of his team mates and the Liverpool players alike.

Wayne Rooney was even seen shaking his head in disgust.

Carragher was yellow carded and Nani was removed from the game on a stretcher, still crying like a girl who'd lost her Barbie.

But sources close to the players have revealed the true nature of Nani's injury.

Earlier in the game Nani was instrumental in scoring Liverpool's second goal. Heading a cross back in to the box, he set Dirk Kuyt up perfectly for a small nod in to the back of the net, beating Van Der Sar easily.

Nani realising what a school-boy error he'd made was now facing a proper Alex Ferguson rollocking come half time.

Ferguson, famed for his nasty gin-fueled temper, once famously beat David Beckham with a football boot. Nani was not looking forward to what was coming his way, and so when Carragher tapped his shin it was a true 'get out of jail free' moment.

"The players see it like if they're injured, then the boss can't bollock them. But it doesn't work like that," said a United source, close to the locker room, "I've seen Sir Alex roasting one of the young medical staff, who'd collapsed and died during half time. If death didn't deter the bosses rage, nothing will!"

Nani is said to be hiding in a locker, and refuses to come out until Ferguson calms down.

We'll keep you updated.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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